So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
