glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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