Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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