oh god was she eating orange peels again
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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