remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
