My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
