I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Houston, we have a blender
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
