Fuck appropriateness.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
