do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
