i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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