We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
