you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
