Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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