I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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