Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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