you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
