her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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