Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
