Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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