I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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