I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
