chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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