I'm so fucking centered right now
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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