strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
