You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
