I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
