Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
