it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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