real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
