After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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