you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
