so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
