My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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