I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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