Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
