so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
