I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize