All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Your cock deserves a montage
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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