OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
