im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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