Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
