I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
