Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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