drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
