My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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