Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
