im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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