So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
