I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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