I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
