Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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