I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
