Tell her she can't have a vagina
wakey wakey hands off snakey
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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