The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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