cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
