The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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