Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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