As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
