I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Couch. On fire.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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