the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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