feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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