so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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