I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
