Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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