I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
