Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
