he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
