I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize