you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
