i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
