She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize