Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
