It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
