girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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